Live Brave

Yes, Daddy - Part 3: When You Grow Up Without a Daddy

I wrote this post last week and it got deleted, so I got frustrated. But here it is.

When talking about saying "yes" to Daddy - who is God, our Heavenly Father, it is necessary to point out that some people, maybe even you who are reading this post, did not grow up with a father - or did, but he was a giant waste of life. 

I cannot weigh in too much on this subject from experience because I have had a great upbringing with my parents. They never shoved religion down my throat and always allowed me to make mistakes while loving me through discipline the entire way into adulthood. But I know many people who shudder at the sound of hearing of God as our "Heavenly Father".

To those who did not have a dad, God as the Father can seem distant or even non-existent. It is hard to obey a Heavenly Father when there is no model for an earthly father. I cannot imagine that pain and struggle.

Also, for those whose dad was more or less a dirtbag jerk, this paints quite an awkward picture for God as our Father. Who wants to obey a God that mirrors the scumbag in real life? Who wants to give any attention or respect at all to a Heavenly Father if the earthly father is a terrible example?

Now, there is a temptation for me to chime in here and say that God needs to be your Heavenly Father in place of your lack of parenting. While this has true meaning deep inside it, it is way too easy for me or any other Christian who did not struggle with this to say such an arbitrary and abstract statement. I have no clue what it is like to not grow up with good parents.

I can say this though: if you have had a bad home life, if you hate your mother and/or father, if you hate God because of it, there is an opportunity for healing. Jesus was sent for the redemption of humanity, and there is no reason the Gospel of Christ cannot enter into that part of your life.

God the Father loved you so much, a Father in heaven with a love sick heart took His Son, Himself, came down to earth, died for the forgiveness and repair of the sin in our life, and rose from the grave so that we can have a RELATIONSHIP with Him. This is the key to Christian thought. God's grace repairs the RELATIONSHIP we screwed up.

Say yes to your Heavenly Father today. You may have a terrible upbringing, a dysfunctional upbringing, or no upbringing at all, but call upon the Name of the Lord, and He will bring you up. Cry out to Daddy today and tell Him, "Yes!" Even if for the first time, say it out loud in prayer, and say, "Yes, Daddy!"

P.S. For those of you without a father or with one that is or was terrible at it, keep living brave. A lot of my good memories were established by my father and mother, especially during the holiday season. My prayer is that you can allow God to heal you in that area so you can enjoy and celebrate this time of year. May the grace of Jesus Christ guard your hearts and minds this season! 

Yes, Daddy - Part 2: Look at Daddy

In teaching my daughter the importance of obedience and the understanding that not only Daddy is in charge, but I also know what is best for her, I also came across a certain point in the discipline that struck me as awkward. Roary didn't look at me when I was teaching her, disciplining her, correcting her, or even just asking her to apologize, use her manners, or say "Yes, Daddy".

I have been recently telling her a lot to look at me. I say, "Look at Daddy". She will react in one of two ways. She will tell me no, or she will look at me and concede. It kind of feels like when she looks at me she is giving up her will and surrendering. She knows that when she looks at me she needs to say yes or no to my face.

One specific instance occurred when I asked her if she pooped her pants. She told me no. The evidence was quite clear though because there was a stench in the room that could clear a zoo - and I didn't fart. I asked her if she pooped again, and she said no... again. I noticed though that she wasn't looking at me either time. I said, "Look at Daddy" and she looked at me, sighed, and without me even asking said, "Yes, Daddy. I go poo poo in my diaper."

This was peculiar because she lied to me when she wasn't looking at me because she did not want to have to go through the hassle of changing her diaper (neither did I by the way). But when she caught my eye she was compelled to tell the truth. This helped me realize a few things about God as our heavenly Daddy.

1. When we look at God it is hard to lie to Him

When we aren't talking to God, reading His Word, going to church, fellowshipping with other believers, or walking in His will at all, it is much easier to hide, blend in, and lie. People may ask how we are doing, and we can tell them with conviction in our voice that we are fine when we really are not. When others point out sin in our life, we can avoid feeling convicted to change by telling ourselves we aren't doing anything wrong, or we are at least better than somebody else. But when we look to Him, it is much harder for us to lie.

2. When we look at God we obey Him

When our eyes are fixed on God we begin to tell the truth more often and say yes to what He is calling us to do because we know He cares. We find out that when we look to Him we want what Jesus wants - we want to live in His will even if it means laying down our own (and you know what I mean if you've ever been there). Our obedience is a response to looking at Him, realizing He loves us, and knowing He wants what is best for us.

3. When we look at God we see what is important

There is a hymn by Helen Lemmel and it has a refrain that rings:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace."

I love the part where it says "strangely dim". Can you imagine what life would be like if we lived by Jesus' words instead of caring about the things of this world? When our eyes are not focused on Jesus - when we like Peter notice the waves around us instead of the God in front of us, we sink. But when we fix our eyes on Jesus, we find that not only in He in charge, not only does He have our best interest in mind, but He is what is most important. A right relationship with Him will effect the way we relate to others, and it will be focused on the Gospel - the Good News of His grace for the people of this world. That is our mission by the way. Not to be comfortable, but to pay forward the grace God has given us.

Say yes to Daddy this week. The last part (Part 3) of "Yes, Daddy" will be posted by the end of the week.

Further Thoughts on Grace

As I look back on the closing chapter of Grace Abounds and the opening chapters of Arise Community Church, and also read what I have been learning about grace these past months, I saw in it a very astounding conclusion – that living a brave life is all about having the ability to receive and offer this element that only God can teach. It is probably one of the hardest things to do EVER, so it is at the top of the list of the call to live brave.

Jesus taught many culture-shocking messages, like if you want to be great in the Kingdom of Heaven you need to be a servant (Matthew 20:25-28), or if you want to be first you must become last (Mark 9:35), or the surprising phrase, “love your enemies” (Luke 6:27). John the Baptist even chimed in and stated, “I must decrease so that He can increase” (John 3:30). It is no different in living a brave life.

Many people would put bravery, courage, and fortitude on a list of essentials for “tough guys”. The crazy part about this though, is if grace is not the FIRST among the list of traits you own, you are no “tough guy”, no warrior, no man or woman of God. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying we need to be perfect once we receive grace, and I am also not saying it is easy – quite the opposite in fact.

If living brave is about doing the right thing especially when it is the hardest thing, then grace is the most important idea Christians will ever tackle. It is against everything we are taught as children. It defies the lessons we learn as adults. It disproves the idea that merit, achievement, and hard work alone can save us.

Without this seemingly unreasonable grace, we all lose. Without Christ, there is no grace. Without grace, there is no Church. Without the Church (not the place, but the Body of Christ – every believer in the world) there is no one to teach how to live a brave life.

We learn how to live by watching how Christ lived, and how people who follow Him lived. Are we now representing that grace in a manner that would allow others to understand an example of how to live?

(logo created for Grace Abounds in 2004 by Mike Brennan - I figured it should be given a proper showing before saying goodbye).

P.S. On a side note, saying goodbye to the Grace Abounds years was not easy, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I am looking forward to what God is doing on Long Island with church planting and the team. I am excited beyond belief, and I cannot wait to see what happens! GA was good for what it was - a small group gathering of people who wanted to know more and express God's grace to those who don't get much of it every day. I truly believe it was a training ground, as well as my experiences as youth pastor of Our Savior Lutheran Church. Please pray for us (the team) as church planting comes at a high cost, but I believe it will be SO worth it! Pray for the future and the present of Arise Community Church! Add it to your list, or do what I do and pray for the community and the hearts of the lost right now, because I know how forgetful I can be!

Courtroom Grace

(This was written last week when I was in court and I saved it for editing)

I am sitting here in a buried corner of the Islandia Village Hall. There is a sea of people in this tiny room. I am here because I was pulled over one night for having my inspection sticker 3 or 4 months overdue. This is a law by New York State that typically is set up every year to trap and confuse everyday people trying to do an everyday activity: driving. The laws are simple enough I guess, but to pay $40 per year, per vehicle, just to have a mechanic tell you that you need brakes is not really worth it. Plus it's not worth it to the mechanic either, because he only makes about $5 per 30-minute inspection and is required by law to do so. All this to realize that most New Yorkers forget their inspection is coming up, so when they get pulled over by a cop looking to make his quota, they got ticketed.

So that brought me here. I am now sitting in an unorganized mess. There are about 115 people in this room meant for maybe 50. My court time was set for 2pm, but the clerk is telling everybody they will be placed in alphabetical order (which is unfair, but how else can it be done?), and the waiting time can be up to even 5pm. As I weigh my options to leave, and count the cost of the ticket against the cost of having to pay an even bigger fine for leaving, I realize my last name tarts with an "O", so even if they started from "Z", which they are not, I am right in the middle of this line to be judged.

It is a bit surreal knowing another human being has the power to keep me in a place I do not want to be. Really it should be a little easier to schedule a time slot to have a judgment in a minor traffic violation (non-moving mind you), but I really feel bad for Tim Zito. He seems pretty upset.

This got me thinking again about grace. It actually got me thinking more about the law and condemnation more, but it led me to the foot of the cross. I see every reason why I deserve a punishment. I see every reason why people will complain about sitting here as well, claiming they deserved better treatment. In reality though, if we really got what we deserved, we would all be pretty screwed. Romans says the wages of sin is death. If we read the Law of Moses, we find many areas of our life that would take 1,000 years to make up for. Even then, we still can't keep the 10 Commandments in a consistent 24-hour period most of the time.

That's the point. We can't do it. We weren't ever able to do it, and we will never in a million years be able to do it. We cannot make up for our sin. But Jesus Christ already has. The grace He has given us makes us clean, righteous, and whole. There is nothing we can do to make God love us any more. And there is nothing we can do to make God love us any less. All we can do is live a life in response to that grace.

I AM SO GLAD WE DON’T GET WHAT WE DERSERVE! In a culture that craves things earned and things we see as “deserved”, it is good to know we don’t get what we really deserve in the end. That’s grace.

The court officer just told me to turn my iPhone off. I’d better listen. He says he needs help putting away the chairs. I think he intends on me staying if I don't obey him. Later folks. 

P.S. The D.A. dismissed my case. Talk about grace. That just saved me about $150 on something I clearly did wrong. Mercy made its way into my life today, and although I deserved a fine, I received a pardon. It is a small account of a much larger notion. It is a small reminder from God what He did on a MUCH bigger scale.

5 Things I Am Learning About Grace

When 2 of my friends and I wanted to start a ministry right out of college, we thought of no better name than Grace Abounds. This name depicted the entirety of our message: that Jesus came to seek the lost – NO MATTER HOW LOST! We wanted to start a church that would reach out and take in the people who felt rejected and judged by the far majority of Christians. We wanted to spread the message that grace abounded to all people, and that nobody needed to first clean up and go to church, but rather go to church and naturally be cleaned by the grace of God. We once told people that if they were still drunk from the night before, they could still (and especially) be received as a beloved child instead of an outcast sinner. Jesus came to heal the sick, not the ones who already thought they were good enough (Matthew 9:12-13).

A lot of this theology (thoughts on God) carried over into the ideas for Arise Community Church. Although it is still in its planning stage, it is HEAVILY influenced on the ideas of Grace Abounds, and its major component – grace.

Imagine my humility when taking just a few days to focus on this idea, that God would overload my system with even more practical insights on the very aspect I thought I knew best. Here is what I have been learning: 

#1 – Grace is the single most important gift in Christianity. 

Without this gift we are all disconnected from God. We all deserve death, but the free gift of God, a gift we had nothing to do with earning or working for, is life with Him forever (Romans 6:23). It is hard to accept that we had absolutely NOTHING to do with this honor except to receive it thankfully. We live in a culture that disapproves mistakes so much that lives can be ruined in one small folly. With Jesus Christ, all of our follies are covered, and not one bit of this gift is deserved. What we do with this gift will determine our effect as a Church on the world. 

#2 – Grace is the only exclusive idea of Christianity. 

Love. Peace. Joy. Serving the poor. Patience. Kindness. Right conduct. All of these ideas are part of the Christians faith, yet all of them can also be seen outside of it (AND MOST OF THE TIME DONE BETTER – but that is for another discussion). Grace is the only quality that followers of Christ can say is theirs. Please do not confuse this with mercy, because that is in many other religions and ways of life. But grace – the underserved and unconditional forgiveness and love, the act of TRULY being let off the hook, is only applicable to people who have received that grace from God. 

#3 – Grace cannot and does not have limits. 

There is no point in which grace runs out. There is no “too far” for grace. There might be a line drawn for how much mercy a man can give out, but God has set the record straight – that ANYBODY who has done ANYTHING wrong can come to Him and receive grace, NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER WHEN!

#4 – Grace is truly scandalous. 

Grace is not fair. It does not play by the rules. It does not discriminate, and is therefore one of the hardest things to learn and understand. God’s grace is furious in its compassion because of the lengths it can go. As stated before, there is no “too far” for God. The second you seek forgiveness, He turns and RUNS TO YOU TO GIVE IT! In today’s culture this would be labeled as unreasonable, and therein lies the scandal. 

#5 – You don’t get to choose who you give grace to.

This is the hardest pill to swallow. We don’t get to choose. We are called by God to give the same grace He gave to us. As the Church, we are told to be known as the people and place to run to when your life is a mess and no one else will take you in. Sadly, we have done the opposite as the Church. We are known as judgmental, hypocritical, and downright MEAN. The meanest people I have ever met are people who are ACTIVE MEMBERS IN THE CHURCH. If you don’t take anything else away from these last few paragraphs, take this home and pray about it: YOU ARE CALLED TO SHOW GRACE AND BE JESUS’ EXAMPLE TO THE WORLD – AND YOU DON’T GET TO PUT LIMITS ON THAT GRACE. When you put limits and conditions on the grace you offer, you send a message that Jesus does the same. Don’t continue to make a mockery of God’s grace by placing rules on the grace you offer, because then it isn't grace.

Be gracious because of the grace you have received.