backseat pastor

Summer School

Boy, have I been getting hit with life lessons, lately. God is trying to tell me something. Again. (This is, like, the third or fourth ‘again’ for me, by the way)

Last week we downgraded to a no-cable and no-smart phone home. The cable I could take or leave. Now I won’t feel obligated to hurry up and empty my DVR cache. I will miss new seasons starting this fall, but I would rather save the money.

Downgrading from my iphone to a flip phone was much harder. I felt like a middle aged person trying to learn a new contraption. Except I was going backwards, technologically.  I was so afraid I was going to get lost driving somewhere and my trusty 3G GPS system would not be available anymore. Oh, what did I do in the early years of 2000?

I did learn a lot about myself and not all of it was lovely. I learned that I depended way too much on what was happening on Facebook and Instagram and even Pinterest. (I really felt like my life was not complete until I caught up with everyone’s feeds!) I also learned that I cannot text on a flip phone. It takes me ten times longer, and it does not have auto correct. I used to curse auto correct. Now I miss it like a lover gazing out to sea waiting for her sailor to come home. (I also learned I am serious about my auto correct)

I learned that I care too much about what other people think of me. Now, I did know this about myself, but I learned that it has leaked into almost every facet of my existence. How Christian am I? How good a wife and mother? How good of an artist/business woman? How ‘hip’ am I (eventhoughIamachristian?) even.  Ouch.

I am a girl with deep-rooted abandonment issues and with every status, picture and even blog post I write, I am screaming out “PAY ATTENTION TO ME! LOVE ME! HAVE A HIGH OPINION OF ME, PRETTY PLEASE?”

 It’s only the truth here. It kind of hurts to see it let out.

 I did learn some lovely things, though. After the initial ‘freak out’ over not having 3G or even wireless at home for a couple days, I felt more freedom. I can actually do the list of things that I have (literally) piling up around the house! I have found some of those ‘social status’ ties to be cut and what has been on my brain again is this: “What does God ACTUALLY think of me right now?”

I haven’t thought about that in a long while. Like, REALLY. Not superficially. I really let the Internet cloud my brain with Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

 Please don’t get me wrong. I am not on a mission to condemn these things or even point the finger and accuse anyone of doing the same. I promise. I am just here to tell my own story, because I like to let everyone know where I am coming from. And maybe that will inspire people to truly live an honest life themselves.

 I also fully get that some may think that by me writing and posting this I am just feeding into what I said earlier about myself and what others think of me. (Haters gonna hate, Proverbs 9:8!) But I promise, again, this story is told with a heart of pure intentions! (And btw... totally couldn't wait to use the 'haters gonna hate' quote... just sayin') 

In conclusion.

Since I had so much more time on my hands, I decided to work up in my craft area of the kid’s playroom. This brings me to my last lesson learned of the week. (I hope!) I keep kicking myself for my reactions to this and it keeps happening. When the kids get tired and cranky and start to fight, I picture myself swooping in, gracefully, to the rescue. Hearing each story out, fairly. Speaking quietly but firmly to each offender and sorting out the problem. Seeing them work it out and begin to play again, oh, so cutely together.

This did not happen. I have become the crazy neighbor lady who can be heard through the open windows, screaming at her kids. Tears ensue and the baby wakes up. Now I have three kids crying at the top of their lungs. It’s also my favorite time of day. Bedtime. (I say this sarcastically. My real favorite time of day is at least 25 minutes after bedtime when I know they all are actually asleep.) (That’s not completely true either, I do enjoy when my children are awake, but every mother can agree with me that second best is 25 minutes after bedtime!)

Now, what went wrong? I have thought about this and obviously my reaction to things. Today was even a great day, so I wasn’t cranky. The problem was that I was distracted. It was a good distraction, a needed one, I was working on my Toms business, but I ignored the first warning signs my kids were giving me and the second, and, well, you get the idea. I learned that I need to be fully present when it comes to my kids. Brain and body. When they are doing their thing, it’s ok to go and do my thing. But when they need me, I have to put on the brakes, and be ok with doing that. Not begrudgingly.

I am not going to tie this in with my relationship with God, right now, though I am sure there is a lesson to be learned there, too. This post has gotten way too long. But I thank you for sticking with me and not judging me. (pretty please?) Lol. I just hope that I can remember this lesson and do better the next time. If I don’t, I give you all permission to remind me! So that’s all for now, and goodnight!  

Money $avers

Prelude:

Forgive me now for typing all over the place, it's been a long time and my brain works in crazy ways. (Plus I had Starbucks this morning) Try to keep up!

Why am I blogging about this? Well, I'm a stay at home mom who sits around with so much time on my hands, so I eat bon bons all day and watch 'my stories'... I figured, hey, let's try something productive with that time and then let's tell everyone how easy it is and maybe they can do it too!

NOT!*

Well, the last part is true, but any mom knows how ridiculously crazy it is, this thing called motherhood. A picture I found on pinterest sums it up best. (expletives have been censored)

A quick update:

Well, it happened. My 'after' story has finally started! Praise God, it was a long time coming. Our family learned a LOT during this period. There are still difficulties, don't get me wrong, but we have been able to stretch our wings and were given a roost that fits all of our chickies! I am saving that story for another post, but I am here to say that God is faithful and (warning: mixed cliche epithets ((word?)) ahead.) if you can learn to dance in the rain, Joy really does come in the morning...

So now that we are all settled in our beautiful, God given home, hubby and I are trying to really make it our own. For example,  I am actually gardening! I have watched my mother and Nana all my life and never understood their love for gardening. Now that I have dirt to call my very own and have been introduced to the miracle of pinterest, I have all of these ideas I cannot wait to try. But again, I am getting ahead of myself.

Let's bring it back to the point of the post. All of the cool tips I have learned about 'making your own'. Why, when there is a perfectly good supermarket down the street with all of these items ready-made? Well, my biggest factor is cost. Why pay full when you can pay half? (Or even less!) Also, I feel like I was born in the wrong decade, and I really like to make my own with less ingredients. That way I reeeaaaally know what exactly is going into my products. Where did I learn all of this? Yep, you guessed it. Pinterest.com) 

Basically, I am going to reference all of the mom blogs who did it first and did it well. You can just click the link to see the how and why they did it :O)

How to make your own!

Laundry Soap - I made my batch last June (2012) and we are only half way through! I spent less than the $20 every blog said it would take and I only use 1 TBL. for each load. Love it! 

 
Dishwasher Detergent - If you normaly use gel, the cost is cut in half - If you use tablets, the cost is 80% less!

Baby Wipes - My children are allergic to everything but the 'chlorine free' brands. Those are a bit more expensive. With my 3rd I decided to use cloth diapers, and I love them! But I was still spending money on baby wipes. I did my own research and found out that if I bought this exact brand and type of paper towels, I would be getting 4x more wipes for the money I was already spending on name brands. So far baby's bum has handled them well. Not sure if that means my children were allergic to the other brands in general or they really needed 'chlorine free', but this is working, it costs waaaay less and that makes this momma happy.

Baby Food - I did a lot of searching for different ways to do this. There are so many, but you can search on the internet for what fits you and your family. The thing that got me were all of the slow cooker recipes! It was so easy to throw whatever vegetable or fruit into the pot, forget about it for a few hours and then puree it in my magic bullet. I invested in freezer containers to store the baby food (about $6 for 16 - 4 oz. containers.) (they are cheaper at some stores.) I also bought a storage kit at BabiesRUs for $8 and it holds 16 - 2 oz. containers.) Making baby food cut costs in half again, so I will be doing that more often! It really makes a lot, so I have some time at least between batches :O) 

There are plenty more, but I don't want to be overwhelming. I am just really excited about these things and the money I am saving by doing them. I understand that not everyone has the same amount of time I have, but even if only one of these piques your interest, then I have done my job! Hope you enjoyed reading. I forgot how much I missed blogging :O) 

 

*this word has been brought to you by the number 90, because that's the decade it became popular.

procrastinator.

i have kept a journal since i was in 3rd grade. sadly, the oldest one i still have is only from 10 years ago. there have been entries every day, week or month. then there have been entries where i only wrote every 6 months or so. i also never finished a journal before i bought a new one. i couldn't help myself! i finally got over that and completed my first moleskine notebook and more recently, am about to finish my second. i still procrastinate when it comes to updating the events of my life, journal or blog. 

i guess this is just the way i am. some things i try to change, i have great intentions, and it never happens! some things are ok to stay the same. some things are not. 

thank God, my outlook on my life has made a HUGE turn-around. the situations are still the same, the circumstances have not changed, but i feel as though a weight has been lifted and i am no longer in the "depths of despair" to quote anne of green gables... i was really sinking deep and was fearful that depression was going to once again take over. it was REALLY bad. friends came alongside me, prayers were lifted up on my behalf and i know for a FACT that those prayers are what did it. i have been depressed before and this felt more scary. possibly "oppression". but the dust has cleared and it is a gorgeous, crisp, fall day! (figuratively speaking, that is... it's past 9:30pm here) lol, but anyway, i am now looking forward to things again. 

specifically, our launch. 

one week and two days away. i am so excited, and so nervous. i truly have no idea what to expect, even considering what i saw over the summer at our preview services. i am so happy to be a part of this and i can't wait to just enjoy it. which brings me to another reason i am so nervous. child care! we want to have an outstanding child care program and eventually a 'school age' kids program. we fully believe that if a child is not happy 'growing up in the church', then the minute they turn 18 they are going to leave said church. we want them to have an amazing experience on sunday mornings by having fun and learning about Jesus! (what are the two questions every parent asks? 1) did you have fun? 2) what did you learn?) we want the answer to be an exclamation. 

we need help! i am going to post a need and see how the response is. if you can help in any way (in this area) please let me know. if you know anyone who would be interested, please let me know! i would love to have 3 main people in charge of child care the way we have it set up for the time being. (3 people equals one week in 'nursery' and two weeks off to be in service) i also would love those 3 people to have a helper or two of some sort because a lot of kids needs a lot of attention!  

i am also still trying to figure out this whole "pastor's wife" title and i have decided that i am going to redefine it just by being who i am. there are a lot of stereotypes out there and i am not any of them! so inserting myself into every hole that needs to be filled church-wise, is not going to happen. i don't mean to sound rude. i just cannot spread myself that thin, nor do i believe i should be. i feel that if i place myself somewhere, just because there needs to 'be someone' there is leaving the RIGHT person for the job out of the loop. so i will post the needs as they arise (heh heh) and hopefully God will direct the right person to the right job :O)

He has done such amazing things on this journey so far, i would not be surprised at what comes next. but He is also the God of the universe, so i have a feeling i am still gonna be astounded. 

and i can't wait!

happy thanksgiving!

so here is a tangent before i get started... (does that mean it needs to be called something else? hmmm) anyway, when you read blogs, do you read them in your own voice or of the person who is writing them? 

food for thought.

i have no idea what to write tonight. so i will make a list of all the things i am thankful for this week and see what happens. 

*sunday* 

*more of my friends came out to our 'core group' meeting for arise!!! we are going to be opening up the meetings to anyone who is interested in what is going on with the church, so this is really exciting stuff! plus i just felt the love, and i love that! <3 

*also, people loved my baking, and that ALWAYS makes me feel good :O) (so yeah, if you come to our meetings, your belly will thank you!)

*monday*

*i had a LOT of free time to run errands and that little bit of freedom just being me (i.e. not teacher, or mommy) was just what i needed! those small breaks let me get a little breather and re-fuel me for coming home and having two toddlers, literally half my size, stuck to me like glue for the rest of the night! 

i always CANNOT wait until they get to bed by the end of the night, and yet, two hours later i sit and think about how much i love them and a small part of me wants to go wake them up and kiss and hug them and play with them for a bit. but this never happens because i am not stupid. ha!

*free dinner at Hartlin Inn! (we tried to pay, 'cause it was only $5 a plate night, but Drew is totally awesome)

*created a budget with dan for next month, it gave me such a sense of peace! 

*tuesday*

*got to save some money and gas by carpooling with friends to work! we are gonna do this 3 days a week, sweet!

*wednesday*

*my day off, 'nuff said!

*my mom lives 9 blocks from me! not only is this totally cool because i missed her so much when she was living in florida, but now i can just call her up (2 blocks away by then) and say 'hey! want to come with me to bring the kids to the doctor and library?' i love that she gets to see her grandchildren more and i love that i have some more help with watching them when dan and i need to go somewhere! 

*another movie night with dan. this is one of my favorite times of day. the kids are in bed, the house is (sort of) put in order and dan and i get to relax on the couch with a snack and coffee/tea and pop in a movie or whatever t.v. series we are currently watching. (EP!)

*thursday*

*mom and bobby watched the kids (free babysitting!) while dan and i were working. maureen usually watches them on thursdays (SO THANKFUL!!!) but this week had a bit different schedule :O)

*i had bible study with two of my girlfriends, jenna and bettina.... we are starting this once a week and this was the second night. totally awesome and it is SO nice seeing them on a regular basis again! <3

*friday*

*more free babysitting compliments of bettina!!! 

*another great day where i got some errands done on my break (monday and fridays are the BEST when it comes to down time at work) 

*TAX RETURN!!! God is SO good, He keeps surprising us every time we make a decision to "listen to God and do what He says"... He is getting pretty regular with this, so i don't know why i keep getting surprised by it! all i can say is this: He truly supplies us with every need we have.

*saturday*

*i got to sleep in!!! besides the fact that brennan has pretty much been sleeping through the night this past week, all this sleep i am not used to! it. is. amazing. after over a year of interrupted sleep every 4 or 3 or even 2 hours... i thought i was gonna loose my grip on reality.

*watched my darling 2 and a half year old find something new and a little scary (cosmic, dark, loud bowling alley) and get used to the idea and surroundings, and proceed to step out and try it! she wound up loving it and even started bowling when it wasn't her turn! it took her about 15 minutes to warm up to the idea, but being there and watching this new little human encounter these new things in life... that, truly is amazing. 

*got to go food shopping and stock up the house! i love when everything is filled, it gives me a sense of peace. i know God will supply all of our needs, but sometimes i take the stress upon myself and freak out. 

so, yeah, pretty much a great week. i am thankful for SO much, and i hope i am more vocal about that than the complaints... still working on it!

what are you thankful for?

xo

daneal