backseat pastor

truth or consequences

i recently got a ticket for failing to stop completely at a stop sign. i had committed this transgression all the time pre-ticket. you can be sure that every time since then, i have stopped utterly and completely, looking both ways before continuing. however. my thought at each of those stops (and there were many) was this: "pretend there is a cop and stop!" seriously.

now kudos to me for obeying the law, right? it dawned on me this week that i had it all wrong. every time i stopped i should have cared less if there really was a cop or not. i should be stopping correctly because I AM SUPPOSED TO STOP COMPLETELY AT A STOP SIGN!!! i should be going slower and obeying the law because, well, it's the law! 

i feel like we do this with God a lot. maybe unintentionally, maybe boldly. we act a certain way or say "the right thing" because we think of God in terms of 'the police' and we should not be breaking His 'law'. "see what i did there? that will get me brownie points!" or "i better not do this because it's against God's law."

God wants the very opposite from us. He wants a heart that will automatically say and do the right thing because, well, we WANT to! because we wouldn't even think to do it another way. 

how do we achieve this? 

it's so easy we take it for granted and do not do it. it's so easy but we care more about the less important but "quicker-to-achieve" stuff to cross off our 'to do' list. it's so easy but it may be even easier to mope around in our self pity. it's so easy but we live like it is unattainable. 

it's so easy. 

take time.

spend it with HIM. (however you want to! as long as the focus is Him.)

 

 

maybe i am just preaching to myself.

procrastinator.

i have kept a journal since i was in 3rd grade. sadly, the oldest one i still have is only from 10 years ago. there have been entries every day, week or month. then there have been entries where i only wrote every 6 months or so. i also never finished a journal before i bought a new one. i couldn't help myself! i finally got over that and completed my first moleskine notebook and more recently, am about to finish my second. i still procrastinate when it comes to updating the events of my life, journal or blog. 

i guess this is just the way i am. some things i try to change, i have great intentions, and it never happens! some things are ok to stay the same. some things are not. 

thank God, my outlook on my life has made a HUGE turn-around. the situations are still the same, the circumstances have not changed, but i feel as though a weight has been lifted and i am no longer in the "depths of despair" to quote anne of green gables... i was really sinking deep and was fearful that depression was going to once again take over. it was REALLY bad. friends came alongside me, prayers were lifted up on my behalf and i know for a FACT that those prayers are what did it. i have been depressed before and this felt more scary. possibly "oppression". but the dust has cleared and it is a gorgeous, crisp, fall day! (figuratively speaking, that is... it's past 9:30pm here) lol, but anyway, i am now looking forward to things again. 

specifically, our launch. 

one week and two days away. i am so excited, and so nervous. i truly have no idea what to expect, even considering what i saw over the summer at our preview services. i am so happy to be a part of this and i can't wait to just enjoy it. which brings me to another reason i am so nervous. child care! we want to have an outstanding child care program and eventually a 'school age' kids program. we fully believe that if a child is not happy 'growing up in the church', then the minute they turn 18 they are going to leave said church. we want them to have an amazing experience on sunday mornings by having fun and learning about Jesus! (what are the two questions every parent asks? 1) did you have fun? 2) what did you learn?) we want the answer to be an exclamation. 

we need help! i am going to post a need and see how the response is. if you can help in any way (in this area) please let me know. if you know anyone who would be interested, please let me know! i would love to have 3 main people in charge of child care the way we have it set up for the time being. (3 people equals one week in 'nursery' and two weeks off to be in service) i also would love those 3 people to have a helper or two of some sort because a lot of kids needs a lot of attention!  

i am also still trying to figure out this whole "pastor's wife" title and i have decided that i am going to redefine it just by being who i am. there are a lot of stereotypes out there and i am not any of them! so inserting myself into every hole that needs to be filled church-wise, is not going to happen. i don't mean to sound rude. i just cannot spread myself that thin, nor do i believe i should be. i feel that if i place myself somewhere, just because there needs to 'be someone' there is leaving the RIGHT person for the job out of the loop. so i will post the needs as they arise (heh heh) and hopefully God will direct the right person to the right job :O)

He has done such amazing things on this journey so far, i would not be surprised at what comes next. but He is also the God of the universe, so i have a feeling i am still gonna be astounded. 

and i can't wait!

the 'before' story... but it's happening now.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.

Psalms 138:8a

 

well, i have decided to write out my "before" story. because we all know that means there MUST come an "after" story... and i am praying that i can be patient with the way my life is going right now, until i can tell everyone that this part of it is OVER! 

i have so much to vent.

i have so much to be grateful for. 

i really do not want to come across as complaining or 'woe is me, so pity me'... that is not my intention at all, but i feel i have to explain what is going on in my family's life so people can understand where we are coming from. this summer has been such a roller coaster! we have been away a lot, plus dan and i have found part time jobs, so we don't have as much free time when we ARE home. i am so grateful that we have work, but we are still not making ends meet. we have had friends and family come alongside us and help us out with money but we have been late with payments and that has not happened in a long time! i hate that feeling.

i know, i know, at least they are getting paid at all, but that means when we do start making more money, we have to pay these people back first, and that is all the more longer till we are on our feet again! 

what does any of this have to do with you? well, nothing, but you are reading this so i feel i have to justify it with a reason. how about: if you feel i have ignored you lately, i haven't intentionally! i am just too busy or broke to do anything. or too tired from being too busy and i am laying on my couch zoning to netflix (thanks bill), haha. 

but anyway, i said that i have so much to vent and that i had snapped, but money is not the whole issue. 

we are starting a church. my husband AND i and a few close friends and family. i say "AND" i because i feel like some people think i am tagging along behind dan just for the ride. this is a calling i have felt from God as well, and i am so excited about it. which makes it harder when people in my life don't seem to be as enthused. i get that there are different things for different people, but if you love me, and i have invited you to something that is an on-going thing... you should check it out at least once. 

i need your support, people. 

i need to know that there are people who are excited about what we are doing for God. 

i need validation. 

maybe i don't 'need' these things, but it would be really nice to have them. especially if you consider me someone who is close to you. because if you haven't done these things, i am definitely not feeling the 'close'ness. 

and if you think, gosh, she might be talking about me... chances are, i probably am not. 

but maybe i am. so think about it, wontcha?

 

 

www.ariselongisland.com

update schmupdate

right now i am sitting in the dark of my living room with our one fan blowing from our one screened window. it is HOT! the seasons must have skipped over spring entirely. but i love the heat way more than the bitter cold of winter, so i should not complain! the minute that the weather got warmer, my life seemed to get busier. bbq's, holidays and time off from school sounds like fun relaxation time, but it is proving to be the opposite. hence me not getting to sit down like this and update my blog. that and the fact that i have been using a lot of internet time to apply for jobs. whatever happened to the good ol' "meet and greet the manager and say 'are you hiring?'" ? everything is online now, it's so impersonal! pray that i get a part-time job, because my family needs the income! 

which brings me to my side business. custom TOMS, such fun! my very first order came and went, i have 3 on the back burner, and more than that who are interested! you guys are so amazing, thank you for being as excited about this as i am! and thank you for your support, it is a big help to my family. this is going to be a short post but i will leave you with a couple of highlights of the summer so far and a couple of prayer requests...

*highlights*

i sold a painting! (had an art show a couple weeks ago, awesome time)

LOVE my fire pit. we have been having them regularly!

campfire at smithpoint with friends and minus babies for the night!

*prayer requests*

that dan and i find jobs

that dan passes his county test for possible job opportunity

my mother-in-law's health

arise community church's next preview service: father's day!

bread and butter

I AM SO EXCITED! My friend, Jenna, has come up with this amazing idea for me. A whole world has been brought to my attention and that is the world of TOMS shoe lovers! I knew these were popular shoes. I had no idea that for every pair purchased, the company would send a pair to those in need. I also had no idea that people customized thier TOMS. This is where I come in.

As an artist, I love using the talents that God has given me. I have been so blessed to be an Art Teacher for these past 6 years. Not many people can say that thier day job is a passion of thiers. This time in my life is coming to an end. I want to be home with my kids during the day to raise them. This is my other passion. I want to be there and not miss this time of thier life before they start school! I still, however, need a part time job to help support our family. I have been looking and applying, but I fear 'getting stuck in the grind'. How can I go back to retail after these past 6 years? I am semi-joking. I know God will provide, but the doubts still creep in.

This is where Jenna's idea comes in! A great way to use my talents and to make some money for my family as well. I am going to start a side business in which I will customize your TOMS! Anything your heart desires, I can probably do. Paint, Spray Paint, Sharpie, you name it. If you have no ideas, I can study your personality and tastes and come up with just the thing for you! I have included a link to my webpage for ideas. Please email me at specklesofpaint@gmail.com if you are interested! The pricing is affordable and unique to each design. Another thing. If you know someone who loves TOMS, can you please spread the word? I know I can be succesful in this with your help! Thank you!

Customized TOMS

guest post

this pretty much sums up my feelings exactly! a post from a loved blog: leading and loving it.

 

THE TYPICAL PASTOR’S WIFE IS DEAD …

March 8, 2010 by Lori Wilhite

Posted by Lori Wilhite (note my new Twitter link)

I think the “typical Pastor’s Wife” might be dead. You know that woman who had it all together and never seemed to struggle … although might could have had some help with her wardrobe.

I’ve heard, read and said “I’m not the typical pastor’s wife” so many times, I’ve started to wonder if she really ever existed at all … or if she really only existed in people’s minds and expectations.

Maybe “typical” isn’t what I thought … maybe there is a new typical. Maybe I’m typical. The more I talk to pastor’s wives the more I realize how alike we are.

Regardless of: Age. Location. Denomination. Church Style. Church Size. I’ve noticed that we all seem to have the same questions. The same struggles. The same difficulties.

We are trying to serve God to the best of our abilities while navigating the challenges of leadership and the pulls of life. Sure, it looks different, but we are working it out.

So I think I’m just going to let what I thought was the “typical” pastor’s wife go by the wayside, and link arms with other Christian women, who like me, are just doing our best trying to figure life and leadership out.

I’m going to embrace the knowledge that maybe I am typical … a woman wanting to support my husband, love my children, care for our church, wrestle with my own shortcomings, grow in love and grace, keep my head up during the tough times, acknowledge that I won’t be all things to all people, be available to fellow-strugglers, and embrace who God made me to be.

I am not prefect. But I may well be typical … and that is fine by me.

procrastinator

well! i see that i am developing a bad habit of failing to update my blog. such is the life of a busy mother! i have hardly been on Facebook this past week, as well. the other problem with my personality is that this means i have no idea what has been going on in most of my friend's lives lately. what would i have done in the 50's? been forced to step out of my comfort zone and call people! or 'call on them' as was the custom. hmmmm. i want to be a good teacher, good friend, good wife, good mom; but i feel like most of the time i cannot do all at once! then there are the sub-aspects of my life i want to be good at (some i wish were the main, and some of the main aspects i wish were 'sub'!) a good artist, good daughter, good sister, good boundary-setter and good blogger. (ha ha) and now i am looking at all the 'good' words i have typed and they are starting to look like a foreign word. 'gude'. ha ha, i am slowly realizing that a quarter to nine in the morning may not be the best time to blog :O)

what did i really want to come on here for? to thank all my friends and family who have helped us have a successful 'preview service' launch! these past two weeks have been wonderful! i got a taste of the excitement and anticipation that comes with putting together a church service. i cannot wait to do this every week! i miss this. i am in awe of all the people that God has brought into our life with arise community church. you guys are so amazing and such servants. we would never have been able to accomplish any of this without you! as the bible says: (paraphrased) 'how can a body function with only one part? can an eye hear or an ear see?' we need a bit of everyone's time and talents to make up the whole wonderful picture that is arise community church.

disclaimer: arise community church would be nothing without God. we are always measuring ourselves against His yardstick . are we doing what He wants us to? are we doing this for His glory? we do not want to fall into the trap of 'succeeding at something' without Him! that is NOT success! 

up to date

sorry for being late with this post! it was equal parts busy-ness and uncertainty with what to write. i have a couple posts on the back burner, but the time does not seem right. so now i am winging it and giving an update on my life lately. 

i have spoken with friends about this and it keeps creeping back more and more every day; worry over finances. i have written on my budgeted cash book: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have!" Hebrews 13:5 as well as: "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches which have been given to us in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19. i seriously need to read these every time i open this book. we were struggling for a couple months up until tax return season... but throughout the ENTIRE time, everything was taken care of. i know for a fact that God had His hand on our family and we always had food, payments were made on time and we still had a roof over our heads.  even so, i was so excited for our tax return. i could not wait to pay off the debt we had, save money for the summer and the various other things we needed the extra money for. i just wanted to feel comfortable. a safety net if you will. 

well. if you know me, you know that money burns a hot and quick hole in my pocket. being denied ANY spending money for, like, 5 months was so hard on me! i was starting to feel entitled to some fun money. that and i have a hard time, still, not 'coveting my neighbor's... well... everything, haha. anyways, i did wind up buying a few things that i did not need, but i started to get scared. i was starting to feel those 'unsafe' feelings again, but this time i actually had money in the bank! and savings account! well, other things came up, trips, car maintenance, weddings/showers, preschool etc. and we are back to square one, except now we have a bit put away for the summer for when our income decreases. back to 'absolutely positively HAVE to follow our budget because we don't have cushion room' kind of living. and to think that i could not wait to get away from this! i figure that if it is not there, i can't spend it and there is some freedom in that. 

but Satan attacks. and he knows exactly what buttons to push in us. so i have been dealing with worry again. but not over food and rent and everyday life things being taken care of. we have a budget for that. but the extra stuff that is looming in our near future. gas money for a couple trips out of state that we need to take. some gift money for a couple weddings we are attending. and i know for a fact our truck is going to need some work this summer. oh yeah, and the 'check engine' light went on in my car today. ugh! lol. 

so all of this brings me to my last verses: Matthew 6:24-27

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" and verse 32, 33: "These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

can i truly say that in these past couple of weeks i was 'seeking the kingdom of God" above all else? big fat NO. and this shames me. but i am human, i keep making mistakes. i figure that as long as i am on the right path, the fact that i am really trying to seek after God with my whole heart, He honors that. it is an every day struggle. but that just means that i have to keep seeking God every day, too. and i know that is exactly what He wants. 

xo

daneal

more on distractions.

the Bible 'app' on my phone brought me to 2 Timothy in my devotions this week. i had never read this passage of scripture before (that i can remember) and so my ears perked up this morning when over the announcement speaker i heard the very same words! the principal was using this for today's devotions and when i asked her, she told me it was in this morning's 'our daily bread'. well, a lot of this post will be on that, so if you own one (i have not picked one up in about 10 years or more, mind you!) read yours and then follow along!

2 Timothy 2:1-4,7

Timothy, my dear son, be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others. Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Soldiers don't get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them... ...Think about what I am saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things."

the devotion went on to say that in 2008, there was a man, Felipe Massa of Brazil, who should have won the 'Formula One Grand Prix' in Singapore. he was in the lead, and stopped to refuel. as he took off, he did not realize that the fuel hose was still attached. by the time the pit crew removed it, he had lost so much time that he finished in 13th place.

i think this is a perfect example of how easily it is for us to "get tied up in the affairs of civilian life". what begins as something that 'refuels' our spirit (and we ALL need that) can easily turn into a distraction away from Christ. i want to quote the 'our daily bread' because it says it so much better than i could:

"there are many attractive things in our world that are so easy to get entangled with- hobbies, sports, t.v., computer games. (right now i am thinking FARMVILLE! in my head, lol, read last post) these may start off as "refueling" activities, but later they can take up so much of our time and thought that they interfere with the purpose for which God created us: to share the good news of Christ, serve Him with our gifts, and bring glory to Him."

amen! and like verse 7 says: "Think about what I am saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things."

xo

daneal

farmville... yup. i said it.

well, i did it. i deleted farmville. (audible gasp from the peanut gallery)

for those of you who really know me, this is a huge deal. i have been a player of this game for well over a year. almost a year and a half to be exact and for 6-9 months of that time frame i had played EVERY SINGLE DAY. sometimes twice a day. for those of you who have heard of farmville but do not really know what it's all about here is a rundown:

you sign up through Facebook and "allow the application" to access your wall, info and firstborn child... (half kidding) then you get your own little plot of land to plow, seed, and harvest! as well as raise animals and decorate to your liking. you earn money from your harvesting and then you can buy from the market. more seed, more animals, more decorations. and it keeps going. you climb from a low gaming level very quickly, so it entices you to keep going and earn more money, experience points, etc. 

the interesting thing, is, that you can buy seeds that will harvest in real-time. 2 hours? 4? a day to four days even. just so you can go back at a certain time to harvest and re-plant. if you come back too late, your plants have withered! you lose money and have to start over. 

every time that i got just a little bit bored with the game, it would come out with this new and exciting feature. i was hooked again. this was a cycle that happened constantly. zynga is VERY smart when it comes to their gaming applications. 

so how did i come to delete such a thing that 'seemed' to bring my life joy? a thing that 'seemed' to be a form of innocent fun and games? well in all truthfulness, it did take two days for me to actually delete the darn thing. i did not want to! have you ever let go of a balloon outdoors accidentally? you know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach 2 seconds before you realize, that, no, you just can't grasp it back in time? that was seriously my feeling when God told me to delete farmville. sad, huh? 

i am not here to bash the game. plenty of my friends still love and play it. in fact, that is one of the main reasons i enjoyed it so much myself. it was something i could "share" with friends, family and co-workers. we could send each other gifts or catch up on the 'latest thing announced' in the lounge at work. 

i am just here to tell my story.

and God wanted me to delete it. remember last post where i said i was not sure what i had to give up, but i knew i had to give up something? well, two days later, i had my answer. i personally have had a problem in the past of giving things up. anything. i am a pack rat by nature. i firmly believe that everything has a use even if i have to make up a new use for it! i guess that is the artist in me, but i hate throwing things away. it also helps that i have worn the same size clothing and shoes since i was 15, but that is neither here, nor there...

well, i guess it is sorta understandable why it's hard for me to give up material things, but things that don't even exist!? (my cute little farm out there in cyberspace) why was it so hard for me to pull the plug on that? i could not hold it, or touch it or see it in real life. what was the big deal? and yet i still felt that tug of not wanting to hand it over. 

well, i did it. i listened to God and did what He said. and guess what. my mouse was not even pushed away from the delete button, and every single one of those feelings went away. i have not looked back, or felt one second of regret. i have been released! it came to a point where i was dreading that item on my 'to-do' list. harvest crops. plant new ones. i even started planting ones where i did not have to check on the game from 4-8 days at a time! and yet i would ALWAYS make sure i got back in time before they withered. so weird. why is that? 

as a mom i have a 'to-do' list pages and pages long. i am sure a lot of you can agree. why add more to that list? i have no clue, looking back, but it is a lighter weight on my heart since. time will tell of the true impact that i believe is coming. 

now some of you are totally and utterly unable to relate to my circumstances. i know a lot of you who make fun of farmville and made fun of me for playing it.

but i challenge you to < insert here > your own 'little something extra' that may be tugging your heartstrings away from God. even if it is just away from spending time with Him. seriously. think about it. don't brush it off. or else ask yourself why you are reading Daneal's blog. because Daneal is writing this one for the sole purpose of getting you to pause in your crazy life and scratch your head to think. 

and now back to first person. 

i really want to make a corny joke here, but i think that should be it. 

xo

daneal

am i being fed, or starved?

so this past week, two people that i know took a 'social network' hiatus. (dan blogged about his fast on his page, http://livebrave.typepad.com/livebrave/ ) my other friend, michelle, fasted as well and wrote our team an email with her testimony of the past week. here are a couple of her quotes that stirred up in me some feelings i was trying to bury...

"I was completely taken out of my element and stuck with myself - and GOD." (this hit me!) i have been toying with the idea of a fast myself after hearing dan would be on one.

i have yet to comply because i am way too comfortable in my distractions.

i have this idea in my head that i need ME time after all i put in (not really) at work and being
with the kids. also, her quote is probably the exact thing i do not want to be confronted with.

myself and God. alone.

me twiddling my thumbs and wondering 'what comes next'? after all these feelings that have been stirred up, i know i should do this.

"but really, do we expect Him to give more than we are willing to give up?"

this was big for me, too. i know the God of the universe will supply all my needs and bless me for listening to Him and love me unconditionally, but how long have i been using God like a credit
card? rack up all this debt (which i know scripture says i can never pay off, Jesus did it all on the cross for me) but for real... if i truly LOVE Him it will just flow out of me, correct? obeying Him. doing the hard thing sometimes. taking myself out of my comfort zone in order to love and serve all.

i feel like i need to let go of some things, but i do not know what they are yet. all i know is that i DO need to set aside personal time just for God and i, again. take my journal, take my bible and take my ipod. go somewhere without distractions and just be. 

i need prayer! remember me and lift me up... 

xo

daneal